you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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