shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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