Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
