so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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