Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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