I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize