i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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