He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
