Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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