Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!

(763): View more from Minnesota

Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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(407): View more from Florida

so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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(310): View more from California

Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement

(310): View more from California

oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.

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(703): View more from Virginia

he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too

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