she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
