trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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