Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
