so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
