She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize