Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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