By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She said her name was "party"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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