I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
