Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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