this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i now understand why vodka
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know her cup size but not her name....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
