Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
