I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
