The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
