You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
