She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize