OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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