dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize