So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
