Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize