Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
