fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
