did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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