Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
