They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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