What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
