1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My cat gives me a boner
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize