I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
