You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
