Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
