It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He shit in the fireplace
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