Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize