We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
