she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Even my vagina gasped.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
