Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
