Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
