i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He better not be in your backpack
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
