apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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