if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
