Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
