Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
