I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
