I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
