At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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