Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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