it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
