I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
