genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
