I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
