I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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