last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
