The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
