just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize