I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
