Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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