at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
