I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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