Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
