I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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