I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
