we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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