i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
