Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
