so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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