Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize