great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
