Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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