oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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