time to smoke my breakfast
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
