Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You pole danced in your parka.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
