Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize