are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
