he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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