I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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