I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
