So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
