omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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