Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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