vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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