Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
