also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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