I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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