She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
